remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
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Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
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I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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