You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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