Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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