come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
