I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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