Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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