So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
