Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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