Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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