dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I can't put those talents on a resume
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
