Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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