Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
