Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
