theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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