she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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