I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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