Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she pinky promised me she was 18
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
