I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
