I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
