Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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