I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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