i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
