thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
All the doctor said was why
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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