I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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