i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
