i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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