you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize