Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I cockslap morals
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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