Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
