I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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