don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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