two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
