just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
