I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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