remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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