I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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