Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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