filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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