I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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