If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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