bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
