i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
