so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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