I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
