It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
