My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
