Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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