i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
