Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
