SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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