Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
