would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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