i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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