The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
