Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
