I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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