Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
