dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
