OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
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I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
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trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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