Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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