I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
