You work out of a Hotel?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
