so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
