I feel like I'm in dance class right now
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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