i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
