I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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