Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
