I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
