I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
