some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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