My underwear smells like fireworks.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My bed smells like the plague
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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