There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
