I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
