I wish I could punch you in the face.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
