I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
