i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
