my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Acid is not a monday night drug
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
