If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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